To Those Who Love Me…
Know that I love you too. In fact, now more than ever, I am grateful for your love. Know that I am here for you – but I’m not sure where “here” is. Since Christina’s been gone, and especially since the funeral, I feel…displaced, confused, cloudy, and disoriented. Sometimes, I find myself feeling particularly good and even optimistic; then, suddenly, without warning, I feel spent, exhausted, sad, and over-stimulated.
This is all new to me – just as it is for each of you. We are all still in a state of shock and even some disbelief. I’ve been told that is normal. So when I retreat, or when I stay up all night, or when I seem to not hear you, or perhaps appear to ignore you or look through you…please be kind, please be forgiving, please understand and have patience. I don’t know where I am on this road I’ve never traveled.
Hugs help.
I’ve lost my sense of motivation. That scares me, but again, I’ve been told it is a normal response. Do you all feel that way too??
I want to be the one you can turn to, the one you can always count on, the Tower of Strength. But when I find myself needing the same, I don’t like it. I don’t like the weakness and vulnerability I feel since this has happened.
Solitude helps.
And knowing that you all know that I love you deeply: that helps too, because right now I feel emotionally drained – and at the same time, emotionally overwhelmed.
One thing I am sure of: I love you and need you more than ever. I want you by my side. I’m grateful you are a part of my life. Please know that.
No comments:
Post a Comment