LESSONS I'VE LEARNED (SO FAR)

So, wisdom does come with age and, based on all the wisdom I've acquired, you would think I was far more than not-quite-fifty! But I've lived a complex life, packed full with experiences and I've learned a lot. The lessons that follow are not necessarily in chronological order, based on when I learned them, but rather a cumulative compilation of what Life has taught me.

> Teen age girls would be less likely to become pregnant too soon if, upon beginning to menstruate, they receive congratulations for entering womanhood, a vibrator with the encouragement to sexually satisfy themselves and the explanation that their boyfriends will fall short, and a puppy or kitten for them to pour all of their hormonal urges to nurture and mother.

> Children come into this world not so much in need of parents, but rather, in need of nurturing guides and teachers. This role can certainly be best fulfilled by a loving parent, but the main point here is that parenting is more about guiding and teaching than it is about disciplining.

> While parenthood seems to be biologically programmed to occur at an early age when eggs are ripe, sperm is healthy, and parents have the physical energy required, it is probably best done under the supervision of grandparents. Grandparents can pick up the slack and guide the young, new parent as they begin to fulfill their role as a primary care-giver.

> Co-family sleeping, along with extended breastfeeding, is not only healthiest for the baby, but allows everyone a good night's rest which is foundational to good parenting.

> Boys will be boys, but girls will be women. The point here is that girls will often mature at a very young age; boys simply will not.

> Part of the parent's job, especially as the child begins to mature, is to evaluate their child's innate vocational skills - and then guide the child in that direction. Formal vocational assessment of adolescents should be required by law.

> Young children should be encouraged to "work" along side adults as much as possible, especially in the household. Even very young children can be taught to put things away and clean up after themselves, BUT, they cannot and should not be expected to do it alone. The familiar "go clean up your room" command so often thrown at young children is asking way too much.

> High schools should focus on offering apprenticeships and community service projects because both endeavors will build character, show the student why academics are important, and help the student determine what their own vocational skills and desires involve.

> I've learned that the louder a parent yells, the less the child will listen. Also, the more you hit your child, the worse he will behave. In conjuction with this lesson, I learned that every moment you have with your child, you are helping to create a potential childhood memory - either a good one, or a bad one.

> I've learned to question WHY I am attracted to certain men. WHO do they remind me of? WHAT makes them so familiar? I've learned that I am often attracted to men who are not in my best interest.

> I've learned that medical doctors are just practicing medicine and so they don't always know best. I've found out - often the hard way - that sometimes, an older woman or mother or even a grandmother may know more helpful and practical medical information than an M.D., especially when it comes to pregnancy, childbirth, pediatrics, and women's health in general.

> I've learned to trust my gut. It always knows what is best for me.

> I've learned that for my sanity's sake, I need a personal sanctuary which has always been my living room.

> I've learned that when Mom's not happy, no one is happy.

> After many, many years, I realized that rather than be seen as "the girl nextdoor," I would much rather be known as "the bitch across the street." Bitches always get what they want.

> I've learned that history really does repeat itself. If I had known that when I was dating, I would've paid more attention to my former husband's family stories.

> I've learned that when choosing a spouse, considering their genetic history is just as important as their medical history and family relationships histories.

> I learned that just because a guy claims to love me, that alone is not reason enough to love him back.

> I read once that every person is (a) just like everyone else, (b) just like some other people, and (c) just like no one else. This pretty much sums up all of humanity.

> I've learned that Life is way too short.

> Some people are truly happiest when they are miserable. Others find great joy and pleasure in making others miserable.

> Life is full of paradox. For example, the more things change, the more they stay the same, and YET, the only constant in life is change.

> I've learned that everything has a shelf life. Especially relationships. Just because a relationship had a short shelf life doesn't necessarily mean that it was a bad relationship. Oh, and just because a relationship's shelf life spanned a lifetime, doesn't necessarily mean it was a good relationship.

> I've realized that while evolution and biology have a strong impact on the division of labor between men and women (especially mothers and fathers), it is still possible for some men to be kind, gentle, nurturing fathers and it is equally possible that some women are better off remaining childless.

>


[MORE LATER. THIS ESSAY IS A WORK-IN-PROGRESS.]