DO IT MY WAY, PLEASE

If I learned just one thing from losing Christina, it's that my ideas about Natural/Green Funerals are truly the way I want things done when it's my turn to go.

There is a trend gaining momentum in our country, most often referred to as "Green Funerals." While it appears to appeal primarily to those concerned about the environment, it is also attracting people like me who gave birth at home without the needless and costly obstetrical interventions. Green Funerals often involve caring for your own deceased, which usually means waking them at home and eliminating embalming. It also involves using simple, earth-friendly caskets rather than the expensive, hermetically sealed "crockpots" that most people spend thousands of dollars on today.

For me, I learned that embalming does not create a pretty body; in fact, Christina did not look at all like she did when she was alive. The embalming added years to her face. It also made her stiff and virtually unmoveable and unpleasant to the touch. I wish I had insisted that she not be embalmed, but what did I know? Even though I was very aware of the Green Funeral movement (and had just been reading about it prior to her taking her life), I was not ready to apply it.

Most of all, I regret not waking her at home. I believe it would've helped the grieving process for all of us and would've allowed us to be with her continually until it was time to bury her. Instead, she was shipped to the coroner's office, then to lansing, then to dyer, and then to the cemetery. No, I now believe strongly that she belonged at home where we could've spent those last few days with her, cleaned her, dressed her, but most of all - loved and cared for her. Instead, those 12 hours in the hospital with all that life support equipment ran up thousands of dollars worth of bills, and for what? Instead, we were distracted and interrupted by the hospital environment - even though the staff was all very kind and made every effort to respect our presence. Still, it was unnatural and kept me from realizing what was going on. It distracted me from her. Never again.

When I die, I hope to pass away peacefully in my own bed. I hope that my children will lovingly care for me, and prepare me, for my final rest. I will pre-purchase a casket. I will leave instructions for my kids, so they know what to do. I want them to be able to touch me, hug me, lay next to me - if they want to. I want them to create an ambience in my room that reflects who I was: burn candles and sage, annoint me with my oils, dress me as I would've dressed, and take their time saying their goodbyes. It's what I want. It's what I believe is best. It seems healthier for all involved.

I realize I am choosing to do something revolutionary, by today's standards, but isn't that just like me??