BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU WISH FOR...

...BECAUSE IT MIGHT JUST HAPPEN!

Well, that's what my mom has always said and I have found it to be true.

Tomorrow morning, my youngest daughter will be moving from our home in Illinois to Texas and she will be taking her two children, Damien (5) and Ada (3). I am heartbroken.

Everyday I have felt overcrowded and overwhelmed by the size of our household and have both dreamed and wished for the day when the grown kids would finally be able to move out. Perhaps my desires weren't specific enough because although I longed for the solitude, I never ever wanted my kids and grandkids to move all the way across the country.

I am consumed with worry, as only a mother can do. A million "what-if's" run through my head and my anxiety reaches a fevered pitch. What if the kids are traumatized by leaving the only home they have ever known? What if Ada cannot cope with being suddenly away from her daddy? What if the man my daughter will be living with is not friendly with the kids? What if someone gets seriously hurt and I cannot get to them quickly? What if my daughter cannot handle full-time parenting without the relief that she's known here with a houseful of available adults?

And then there are the "what-if's" about me: What if I cannot cope with their absence? What if I cannot find happiness in the solitude I've craved for so long? What will I do with my time, now that my daily housework load will be greatly reduced? Will I do all the things I've longed to do? Or will I be consumed with melancholy sadness missing my son (who relocated to Phoenix nine months ago), my baby girl, and my grandchildren?

No. I must be strong. Certainly I am not the first parent/grandparent to experience this. In today's world, families separate and move far from each other all the time. I am not alone. But I don't like it. Parenting was so much easier when I could control where they went and what they did.

A lesson to be learned here, I am sure.

I want only the very best for my children. I want them to create their own lives just as they would like it to be. I've always wanted them to realize that there is a whole world outside of southern Cook County, and so I should feel a sense of satisfaction that, in spite of anxiety, two of my six children have ventured out into the world and are chasing down their dreams far from home.

And yet, tomorrow morning as they pull away, I will be crushed and I will be wondering if my constant longing for solitude is the reason for their leaving and I will be asking myself, "Did I cause this?"