TAKE THE BLAME or THROW IT RIGHT BACK??

My daughter tells me that part of the reason she left with the kids is because she thinks the rest of the household - primarily me and Jim - interferred with her parenting. Did we?? Or did we simply surrogate and stand in to compensate for her neglect??

And really, what ever happened to multi-generational co-parenting? What is the crime committed when a grandparent subsidizes the custodial responsibilities? We paid all the bills and expected very little in return. We urged them to take advantage of the situation and go to school, establish a career, save money, and create a stable foundation on which to build the rest of their lives. Instead, they sat. Instead, they let time go by without making any investment into their future. No foundation was laid. And then, she takes the kids and leaves, without warning.

No, I won't take the blame here. I refuse. We offered an opportunity. We offered all that we had. In return, all we really wanted was appreciation. Instead, I feel punished. We are being reprimanded and chastized for our experienced-parent insights and methods. Rather than acknowledge our expertise and 20/20 hindsight, we have been accused of meddling and inteferring.

I won't take the blame! Still, I must endure the punishment. I cannot help but feel this was an assault and a power play against us. She took the kids and left simply because she can and most of all, because she knew in advance how devastated we would be, once again proving our point that she does not put the needs of the kids first. Revenge was first and foremost in her mind. This was not a selfless act toward improving their lives; it was a selfish, manipulative, impulsive act done in anger, resentment, and perhaps even desperation. While I can certainly understand her desire to be independed, she and the kids' father have had five years to work toward independence, but neglected that goal in favor of self-indulgence. And now, not only do WE pay the price, but so do the grandchildren. And there's not a single thing I can do about it. I can cry. I can ache to hold them in my arms. But I cannot bring them back. I cannot insist that she do anything, period.

No, I throw it all back, in spite of the pain I feel and the wounds that continue to fester. I throw it all back. We provided opportunities; they disregarded them. Blame us if you'd like, but I will throw it right back!